Making Christianity Relevant

Can’t get the youths interested in the way, the truth, and the light? These days all the young folks get their news from The Twitter and The BuzzFeed. Here are some titles that really pop and will be sure to recruit more #believers:

You Won’t Believe What Happens When This Guy from Nazareth Decides to Atone for Our Sins

I got Judas. Which one of the 12 disciples are you??

22 Mind-Blowing Facts About Your Sinful Nature and Need to Accept Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

I Never Thought a Story about a Mustard Seed Could Make Me Cry…Until Now

These Guys Get Photobombed by the Holy Spirt and the Result is HILARIOUS

Some Guy Claims He was Born…AGAIN…and I Thought You Could Only be Born Once

Teen Mom Tries to Avoid Judgement from Her Peers by Saying She’s Still a Virgin

You’ll Never Guess What This Guy Did THREE TIMES Before the Rooster Crowed

John the Baptist Puts a New Twist on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

10 Times Jennifer Lawrence Proved She Was Basically Perfect…But Still In Need of Repentance and Forgiveness

5 Types of People You’ll Meet in Hell if You Don’t Get Your Life Together Soon

Jesus Looks AMAZING After a 40 Day Fast.

Life Hack: Make it Eternal

This Guy Feeds a Flashmob of Over 5,000 with Only a Some Fish and Bread.

15 Things Only People Who Accept Their Need For a Savior Will Understand

There’s Only One Person Better Than Beyoncé…and This Guy Jesus Might Be It

The Dangers of Pinterest

 

My stomach grumbles. Feeling ambitious and trying to switch things up from my typical toast/popcorn meal rotation, I decide to browse Pinterest for an easy recipe.

As I scroll past an endless variety of lasagnas and casseroles, I feel myself being relentlessly pulled further into the vortex.

Slowly, my brain and all my extremities go numb. Has it been minutes? Hours? Weeks? At this point, I am inescapably deep in the recesses of Pinterest recipes. Frankly, I surprised my laptop hasn’t short-circuited from the amount of drool seeping from my mouth. Before I know what’s happening, I’ve ordered a blowtorch with expedited shipping to make creme brûlée cupcakes.

Cupcakes. I never knew there were so many different kinds of cupcakes to make. Do you know where cupcakes belong? At my WEDDING! It’s never too early or too crazy to start planning a wedding right? Right! Good. More to pin! More to plan! My bridesmaids are going to wear peach, maybe robin’s egg blue. And there will be sparklers! And the theme of my wedding is mason jars. No twine! No. Chalkboards. Wait…flowers. Note to self: hire a cute flower girl. All the cutest wedding photos feature a cherub-faced flower girl. Also, can you hire bridesmaids? I’ve been on Pinterest for 2 months now and severed most ties with any living people.

Reality sets in. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Truth is, I know I’ll spend too much time redecorating my house with all these Pinterest DIY projects to really invest in the relationship. Looks like it’s time to start pinning ideas for my divorce. Most importantly, I need to learn some super cute, trendy calligraphy so when I sign the divorce papers, they are Instagram ready.

Also, to be honest, I’ll probably never end up using that blowtorch for those creme brûlée cupcakes. Rather, I’ll likely put it to use to burn down my house in a fit of rage when my husband asks if I’m ever actually going to finish turning those mason jars into a chandelier.

What a jerk. He never even wanted children…even when I told him I wanted kids for the sole purpose of making handmade Halloween costumes.

Due to my current and continued inability to extricate myself from this chair and unglue my eyes from my screen, I can only assume that I will die alone. But no worries, this just means more opportunities for crafts and event planning! I found this super cute DIY coffin and I’m totally going to have peonies at my funeral.

Exercise Tips for Recent Grads

Are you too busy getting your life on track to hit the track? Is being a couch potato slowly making your physique reminiscent of an actual potato? Are your muscles slowly atrophying much like your hopes and dreams? Fret not, dear reader, I have compiled a comprehensive list of the best workouts for post grads.

  • Weightlifting: Lift the weight off your parents’ shoulders and get an actual job. Try not being a leech on society for once.
  • Running: Contemplate running away from everything you know and your parents’ financial support. The emotional anxiety brought on by this thought experiment should surely burn some extra calories.
  • Squatting: Turns out internships and pursuing your passions don’t pay the rent. Avoid moving back into your parents’ house by squatting in an abandoned property instead.
  • Sprinting: Eating out for meals can really add up overtime and cause you to exceed your budget. Rather than paying excessive amounts of money at restaurants, sprint out of the establishment before they bring the check.
  • Sit-upping: Rather than lying down on the couch, try sitting up.
  • Swimming: They say that swimming is one of the most effective full body workouts. Added bonus: the skills you learn will hopefully translate to the debt that you are drowning in.

Everyone is different, so stick to the workout regimen that works best for you! And if all else fails, remember that you probably won’t be able to afford food in a few months, so that should at least help whittle down the love handles a bit.

Answering the Cries of a Generation

I knew it was coming. All around me, the pressure intensified. From all corners of the earth, people poured in and began chanting. It started as a low murmur; only I perceived it because I knew it was for me. What began as a soft but intense command rose to a thundering roar. Over and over again they yelled, demanded:

One.

More.

Blog.

ONE. MORE. BLOG.

“For the love of God!” one woman cried while clutching her wailing infant, “One more blog!”

Clawing at his chest, a man stumbled forward and let out his last breath, “Please, for the sake of this depraved world, one more blog.”

An undulating sea of fists pumped in the air as they rhythmically demanded yet another online journal from a young woman. Their thirst had not been satiated. There had not been enough unwarranted opinions shared online. There are not nearly enough people trying to get attention through forcing their writing upon an uninterested online community.

I stepped in just before the human sacrifice was made to the cyber gods.

“I can be that next self-important person to create a blog!” I nobly declared.

And so I was. And so here we are.

Apologies in advance,

Sara Reinis